I’ve been destroying battleships again… tearing them down piece by piece. Ripping into the heart of them in an attempt to understand what made them… In the end I discover this grey, unyielding behemoth is nothing but cold lifeless assemblies…
built by the minds and dreams of others
Built for the purposes of yet others behind the scenes
to protect or destroy according to the will of others.
I’ve been destroying battleships for days now – I am getting better at it, finding the nooks and crannies as yet intact – peeling them open and gazing inside to find the plans and dreams of others have hidden there too.
Up until today it was just a ship.
Until today it was ‘just an excercise’ – a plaything of the mind that might provide insight – though remaining simply one more chore to complete…
Today I realized something. As I mentally lifted pieces apart and set them aside I began to realize – if I really wanted to take my DMP and make it real – I had to take a cue from this process. I had to admit that amazingly stupendous things can and ARE built from the dreams and imaginations of great minds. Though more often than we realize, until we’ve torn that hatchway open enough times, they are built by people who have no knowledge – no thought – given towards building their dreams. Having never known of, much less journeyed through, a course like the Master Key Master Mind Alliance – these people spend hours, weeks, years, and sometimes their very lives, building what amounts to the results of other people’s dreams.
So here I am tearing apart another battleship – and it hits me. It’s me. Each layer of the hull that comes off reveals a little more of myself – not just the un-populated galley-ways of an emotionless hunk of metal, but the empty and unfulfilled dreams that used to enjoy frolicking in an unlimited imagination – and are slowly uncovered (dead? perhaps not yet?) buried here in me.
Now I’m pissed – shredding into the wiring that makes this machine function without care – following the cable trays and race ways of miles, and miles, (and years…and years) of wires laid down in pursuit of building someone else’s dream. How can this be. Why was such a thing constructed – to what (whose?) benefit have its pieces been accumulated – thrust together by my unknowing effort and the expense of time – of life (my life!) in its doing.
The pile of mangled steel and tangled wire is building around me in my mind.
As I dismantle this thing, walking around it, grabbing the next piece with realization of it alien-ness to the vibration underneath. I begin to notice that it’s not all gray, lifeless, otherness. There is an energy within – perhaps the coal-fired furnaces that power it. I lift off yet more pieces – eager now to get at that which makes this construct of other people’s dreams tick… perhaps I can find out WHY. Why was all this built around and within me – enveloping my dreams, usurping their proper place and ultimately making of me … someone else.
I think therefore I CAN be what I will to be I am. At first, as I peel back these final layers, it is merely a rhythm within the sound of my beating heart. The excitement mounts, grasping this last layer – and that rhythm becomes more distinct: “I can be what I will to be. I can be what I will to be… I CAN be what I will to be… I can be what I will to be.” It’s a thought we have been repeating over and over, part of our morning ritual..and it’s purpose and power became very evident as I mentally shifted -DO it NOW- a final shield out of place to reveal that white hot, pulsing (yet blindinly beautiful) power within.
Today I am reminded of the first thing we read when starting this course, this unbelievable journey of self-discovery:
As the tears well up, realizing that these dreams I have uncovered as I destroyed the old facade that was me are NOT lifeless, another piece clicks into place – another step on the journey has been irrevocably taken. I decide today to be an observer of the plans and actions requested of me for purposes not my own. I decide to gently, firmly, and with intent – plant these dreams in the newly tilled, fertile soil of my imagination – and care for them as they, as I, deserve. Now that the knowledge is had it cannot be taken away from us. Now that we are aware of the wonderful things that CAN be built with our lives – I think it’s time to take them back and build some wonderful things WE choose.
I choose to follow my dreams, to chase them down and, catching – achieving- manifesting them… to lift them up high and let the world see the amazing, wonderful, limitless ME that CAN BE all that I will to be.
Peace be the Journey people – #BePhenomenalOrBeForgotten