Holy wars going on inside me this week…probably the hardest week yet. Fidelity to the readings and other Honor requirements was not (much) of an issue…it was fidelity to the spirit of MKMMA that faltered BIG TIME this week. And it all stemmed from a resurgence of those inner deamons from my old (olllld old old) blueprint – that one that presents itself like a compassionate old buddy who will ‘hook you up’ with all your past addictions.
Like a meth-head back from hiatus – I was on the edge several times.
This week we were to apply the Law of Substitution to help us detach from negative thoughts and re-frame our experiences as positive events. I thought “Hey – no problem I can’t possibly be that negative!”. OH, ye of little knowledge…
Mornings were easiest as I have always been a “no sleep” kind of person (and I have been waking up with more energy, enthusiasm and optimism.), but the afternoon readings (always a difficult one for me) seemed to slide… 12:30pm at first, then 1:30pm (c’mon I didn’t eat my mid-day meal yet…), and then even as late as 4:30pm (that is still “late afternoon right? I “still have time”..) There seemed like twice as much going on – and the MKMMA Services and Plan of Action (PoA) activities seemed to double and triple in the amount of time they took to complete.
And evening reads? Where should I start… that promise to “give without expectation of reciprocity”…whoa, put that guy up against the ingrained “put others first” (bullshit) that got branded into my psyche as a kid… no contest I thought. Little did those inner dragons know, there was a new team in town, and Hallelujah for the experience of a Master Key Master Mind Alliance Course!
At the beginning of the week I KNEW (I knew!) that it wasn’t the simplistic “put others first” we are taught, it was “I greet this day with love in my heart” and “I give the hope of joy, affluence, kindness & love consciously”.
… somewhere those messages got crossed…
This week has been one of struggle with my old blueprint on scales I have very rarely encountered before – and with the Law of Substitution playing such a central role in our progress, I was shocked to stumble so hard over the Law of Forgiveness (and certainly not in the way I did).
I went out of my way to do things “for” others – and I was happy and joyful doing those activities…but. I let my “put others first” old blueprint sneak in completely unawares. The watchmen got a little too caught up in the “good times” that were being had. I was so caught up in how awesome it was to be able to XYZ for people, that I missed the alarms on my phone to do my afternoon readings. Oh, I caught them when I went “back to work” but now I was rushed and under pressure to do BOTH my readings and work… and like Mark says, I was fooling myself. My focus and enthusiasm during the reads was sub-par – I was thinking about the work that needed to get done! AND my work suffered – I was busy with “more important things”!
And excuses flowed like milk and honey;
I had ‘too many things on my plate’ and I was tired.
Working 100% remotely is really cool, but I was lonely…in many ways at work and at home because of my “double minded-ness”
I was hungry for an emotional connection that recently ‘tasted’ in the MKMMA… but I had trained out of myself for the previous 40 years…
I am pretty sure that’s about the time my inner dragons showed up to do battle with the new All Star team being trained up in the MKMMA – what better time than when there’s a new “potential failure” to record and laud over…
Those old dragons “expected reciprocity” for the ‘sacrifices we made’ – but I think more to the issue – there were no rewards or celebration of my own accomplishments – and so I was looking for outside validation. The voices were as dangerous as a Hydra, bringing up every subtle ploy to massage my E.G.O. and re-join the quite desperation so many live… As I’ve never been a big one to “celebrate my own accomplishments” (that too was trained out of me at a young age with the ‘put others first’ and ‘pride cometh…’ stuff) I remember that I NEED to celebrate everything I do – and to embrace the lessons in the shortcomings and backsliding.
While there were agonizingly long nights where this internal battle raged I was grateful for all the tools we have learned in the 7 Day Mental Diet and the 7 Laws of the Mind, otherwise I may have slipped easily back into the murk. But, though my sleep deprived mind droned on and on, there was never a lack or moment where doubt in the MKMMA existed – I knew that I knew that committing to this program 100% would be tough – but worth every sacrifice.
I’m still slightly behind (in my own mind) with the essentials of the program – though I got them done “on time”…
- I JUST finished my polished DMP Poster (I seriously recommend AGAINST taking a vacation early in this program…though, well…don’t NOT take a vacation ;),
- I need to re-write my Press Release because, well… I am now ALL IN 100% after this week of soul searching.
- and I am very grateful we get two weeks to complete our DMP DJ mix (watch for a link soon!)..
I think I shall make one of my Promises this week:
“I celebrate every accomplishment, however small, with a raucous joy”
Living by design, as we are taught in the MKMMA is most certainly the most rewarding ways to live.
When you are not pursuing your goal, you are literally committing spiritual suicide. When you leave this earth – leave no dream ‘left behind . #BePhenomenalOrBeForgotten