In the beginning – to lift not only a phrase, but the very essence of it’s meaning – there was chaos. It was messy, and it was noisy – there were so many thoughts all tangled together with the underlying rhythm of life…but it was, well… MY life. And it was pretty good.
Then, well – I guess I would have to say LIFE HAPPENED right? Marriage, Kids, JobNo JobJobNo Job roller-coaster — and “build own house by hand” got thrown in there along with build business(es)…
Then, all-of-a-sudden as if emerging from a cloud of furious activity – I noticed things gone awry.
It wasn’t “the house” that I had wanted all along – it was the STATUSSYMBOL ‘having’ a house portrayed to the world.
It wasn’t the career I had dreamed of – it was again…the status – the thin, silky-smooth and only temporarily deceiving veneer of being able to buy whatever I wanted…
And damn it if I didn’t start to notice I wasn’t happy any longer. Then… ah, then… the MKMMA came >back< into my life.
And for a while things got better, and better.
Then they TANKED – and I wanted to physically rip ‘something’ from myself and destroy it…
that (comfy, warm, cozy…bastard of an) old blueprint.
And finally, with a loooong drawn out, new-born-learning-to-walk, stumbling, effort – things are getting better again – a lot better…
Part of this week’s challenge for me is going back over the readings from weeks past – and realizing I have SUCH a different view of myself – not just the text of the MAster KEys, but of how I see myself through the lens they create in my mind.
Looking back – and reading my own posts from those weeks has been both entertaining and re-warding… – I can feel my mind, and almost my physical brain, bending when I try successfully to see that pyramid in 3D!!
It’s been a little odd, bouncing around with less ‘guidance’ so to speak in the daily regimen – and it’s almost felt somewhat too casual in my own mind as I find it VERY easy to slip without that twang of guilt I once had…but I still feel it on a more significant level – so I double up when I miss and WILL NOT cave to the old blue.
I am glad to have had the struggle during weeks eleven and twelve – I learned a lot about myself by having made it through.
I am looking forward to this last two months’ push into the “closing ceremonies” as much for the growth in myself as the opportunity to meet with many of the group face-to-face. Looking forward especially to becoming more self-reliant and independent in my own ability to maintain the Master Kay and Greatest Salesman exercises as a part of my daily life and habits.
Been a slow kinda foggy week peeps – thanks for taking the time and reading through my wandering thoughts! Catch you on the flip side of life!