MKMMA – Week 11 – The silent screams, in the Cemetery of our Minds

Have you ever dug a hole, metaphorically, and lost yourself in the process?  This week has brought me (again) face to face with my Ol Blueprint – seriously, I am getting SO good at identifying it’s DNA in everything I do – or, rather, don’t do… and I guess that’s just it isn’t it.

Knowledge will not apply itself. – Master Key 10:23

I am going to choose – right now, as I write this to change my mental state.  When I sat down to write this post my teeny tiny little world was stuck in a pity potty ahem .. party. (Thanks for that turn of phrase Mark!)

This week has been one relatively long self-inflicted disappointment – and I am going to use it as an abject lesson in why I am here in this course.

So – there is a very large portion of my DMP, my service card, and my P.O.A. that has derailed my progress over the last month.  We are supposed to put down something that we CAN do to advance our Dharma – and I have GOT that covered… it’s the one part that I KNOW I MUST do to advance my dreams.
Except – I haven’t been…

Even more devastating to me, I LOVE doing that one thing “in the moment”…not “on purpose”.  But I have begun to suspect that this is an excuse.  And you can have excuses or results…not both.

We are told in this weeks’s Master Key that we are to follow one, simple concept:

What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” (Mark 11:24)

 

And, if I boil it down to an extremely simple statement a mentor of mine made:   Just DO the thing, and come with us.

So, here’s the hole I seem to have dug for myself:  I have re-enforced my ‘Ol Blueprint by putting down on the card exactly what I “should” – and proceeded with laser like accuracy to follow my old pattern of proving that no-one will die if I don’t actually DO them.

you-can-have-results-or-excuses-not-both-gym-by-labno-on-etsy-1406802276ng8k4-300x300

Further compounded with the second page of my blue print (and this matches the “Guy in the Glass” perfectly) : No one is going to penalize me for “saying the words” without actually “doing the actions” (seriously, I’ve got so much on my plate…)

…and finally justify it by the fact that even then I can still succeed better than the majority of people out there (seriously this is the EGO-tistical stuff that goes through my head…)

Even KNOWING that the Master Key teaches:

Every action which is not in harmony with Truth, whether through ignorance or design, will result in discord, and eventual loss in proportion to its extent and character. (Master Key 9:9)

Character is not a thing of Chance, but it is the result of continuous effort.(Master Key 9:Intro)

 

I want to change my character SO badly.  When it comes to promises to OTHER people… NAILED it.  I can do those without a second’s thought.  When it comes to promises to MYSELF…well, that’s a different game and thus a different story.

I want to be able to truly believe in myself again – I’m pretty sure I have, at least once in life,
…and that I can do these things that I know must be done.  When the Greatest Salesman Scroll 3 says “…I will avoid despair but if this diease of the mind should infect me then I will work on in despair.”  HOLY crap “been there, done that” – as my mind jumps back to the many, long, wet-and-soaking-cold evenings alone – spotlighted in the middle of 50+ acres of pitch black.  Stacking, nailing, gluing, tying things together – to build the house I live in now.  Yeah, two years of that despair was enough to teach never to build my own house again…

And heck I’d like to be ME for the first time in life… problem is what “should be” seems to win out over “must be” all the time.

I work my J.O.B. because I should  pay my debts (I created them), and I should feed my kids (ummm, yeah made those too!)

And the crazy, horrible, awesome, sick-as-all-get-out thing is – I enjoy my softwareinternet J.O.B. to the point that I do lose track of time and I do do it for free (more often than I should).  Heck – I WANT to teach people everything I have learned, show them how dead simple it is when you peel back the curtains.

Help them to leverage technology in their pursuits of their dreams. And, well…

Isn’t that supposed to be the definition of a “Passion”.  Isn’t a passion supposed to make you feel all magical and fuzzy-warm inside, creating that mythical Happy-ness stuff??!

So why is it that when I look up from my keyboard at Life all around me – I hate the reality of what I do.  Sitting in the same 20 square feet of space, 13 to 15-or-more hours a day, typing on a keyboard – and ache for the time when it is “right” for me to again chase my dreams with wild abandon.

And here’s a thought that crosses my mind, that I edited “language” out of this post in keeping with that same “shouldmust” blueprint.  I should be the proper, in-offensive, good-little-boy character and “give people what they want”… to hear, see, feel.

Aren’t we – at some subconscious level of peer pressure supposed to post how wonderful-crazy-awesome this whole thing is? Don’t get me wrong – it IS wonderful-crazy-awesome and would be doubly so if I were to let go of “should”-ing all over my life and DO what the Master Keys say.  I got the “exercises” in the Master Keys rock solid DONE – but application of that knowledge is lacking.

My Dharma cries out that I must be myself – regardless of who that pleases.

That those too silent screams I hear in my head really are those Dreams that might not make it out of the graveyard if I die before reaching the “E”nd – if I don’t get going with the chasing of dreams.

Voices screaming:

But thought works no magic transformations; it obeys natural laws; it sets in motion natural forces; it releases natural energies; it manifests in your conduct and actions, and these in turn react upon your friends and acquaintances, and eventually upon the whole of your environment. You can originate thought, and, since thoughts are creative, you can create for yourself the things you desire. Master Key 5:Intro

 

So I think I’ll take a cue from the very beginning of our course…

Today I begin a new life.

About the Author

Leave a Reply 12 comments

MasterkeyDBell (@masterkeydcb) - December 12, 2014 Reply

Love the honesty Don! You’ve identified the issue and that’s the first step to fixing it. You can be what you will to be! And you’re not alone. All the best!

    Donald Overlander - December 13, 2014 Reply

    Dennis! Dude – I have felt sooooo “off” since I missed our call Thursday night!

    Thanks for the encouragement – we WILL get this!

    #BePhenomenalOrBeForgotten !!!

Ellen L - December 12, 2014 Reply

Po-wer-FUL!
‘Should.’ ‘Must.’ ‘Ought.’ Never much liked those words. They’re meant to chain and limit and wrap a person up in expectations.

    Donald Overlander - December 13, 2014 Reply

    Ellen!! I hear ya! That whole “should”-ing all over one-self…certainly makes a mess out of life if you persist in THAT for too long!

mkdomfaillard - December 13, 2014 Reply

Okay for your New Life Don !

earch2014 - December 13, 2014 Reply

It seems that through this kind of honesty that you are resetting your life. I love this blog, and so timely for me as well.

    Donald Overlander - December 13, 2014 Reply

    Elaine – Thanks for those words, helps to have the support of yourself and the wonderful people at MKMMA as we struggle to improve ourselves!

Deanna Becket - December 13, 2014 Reply

Where do you come up with your content?! You should teach this course! Love your truthfulness that we all are feeling! So, it comes back to your daily habits. As with me, that POA card is the one most neglected. How can you implement it in your calendar? I wrote my POA’s at the top of each page of my daily calendar for the month. Then I get to check them off. In addition to the card reminder, my calendar reminds me. With your techy experience (which I wish I had even just to master this blog thing), I bet you could set up reminders that pop up and tell you what to do every hour, etc. We all will GET this soon! Keep up the work and great blogs!

    Donald Overlander - December 13, 2014 Reply

    Deanna – I actually use an app (for android, but I’ll find one for iPhone if you need it!) called Auto SMS (Lite) and have scheduled a bunch of text messages to myself throughout the day to remind to “Drop what I am doing, and do 15 – 30 minutes of what is IMPORTANT.

    So far it’s been working VERY well. Feel free to contact me if you need some hands-on help!!

davidsmasterkey - December 16, 2014 Reply

Great post Don, many good points. Every day I get up and put one foot in front of the other and follow my compass..

Trish Abeloff :) - April 20, 2015 Reply

I wish I’d been reading this all along, Don. You were SO in the midst of great discoveries, launching into a level of honesty that most people don’t ever experience. Can you imagine a world where people are willing to do what you’re doing here. Beautiful. You’re listening… you’re hearing… SO grateful to have hindsight now… and know you kept going… but I would have bet on you from the beginning :). I’m TREMENDOUSLY excited to keep reading and to meet you! Peace be the journey.

Leave a Reply:







WordPress Anti-Spam by WP-SpamShield